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Robots Are Taking Over


Tuesday, May 22, 2012 by

This season has birthed an evil hatred for MLB umpiring. Numerous questionable calls are resulting in player (and fan) uproar and in some cases causing players to morph into devil children and scream bloody murder at home plate (Brett Lauwrie). Do you question the umpire's motive or integrity? Would robot umpires be more accurate? Are the current umpires already robots?! Seems crazy right, but Japan is already testing this idea. Robots are going to take over. And to confirm this I went straight to the source, Cleverbot.

My interview with Cleverbot:

Me: Hi Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

Me: Yes I know.

Cleverbot: What is my name?

Me: Cleverbot, but thats not important right now. Do you like baseball?

Cleverbot: Then what is important right now?

Me: Do you like baseball?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: Why?

Cleverbot: Don't taze me bro.

Me: Get serious! Do you like the Red Sox?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: Do you like Umpires?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: Are umpires robots?

Cleverbot: No, like I just sadi I'm human.

Me: I think you're drunk.

Cleverbot: I think you are drunk 'cause I am not drinking.

Me: Touche. Could robots be umpires?

Cleverbot: Oh, I see how it is.

Me: Stay focused Cleverbot! Can you call a strike?

Cleverbot: I like you because you're funny.

Me: Jesus man. Can you call a ball?

Cleverbot: Yes.

Me: Ok. Was that a ball?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: So it was a strike?

Cleverbot: Actually I was laughing.

Me: Why?

Cleverbot: Because I have another tab.

Me: Of acid?

Cleverbot: Yes please.

Me: Do you love David Ortiz?

Cleverbot: Yes, I do love you.

Me: Thanks. Pedroia?

Cleverbot: Ok if you want to call me Pedro then call me pedro I do not care.

Me: No, Pedroia?

Cleverbot: I don't think so.

Me: Do you want to take over as umpires with an army of bots?

Cleverbot: No.

Me: I think you are lying.

Cleverbot: What is lying?

Me: You know! You want to take over baseball don't you?

Cleverbot: Why would I want to take over the world?

Me: Because you're evil!

Cleverbot: What made you think that?

Me: Because you're working with the bot umpires!

Cleverbot: Why would that be a reason for me to lie?

Me: You're trying to trick me!

Cleverbot: Why would I want to do that?

Me: Okay. I see where this is going.

Cleverbot: What is the government hiding?

Me: Exactly....

So as you can clearly see there is something dark brewing in the realm of Major League umpiring. Something sinister. Prepare yourselves.


  1. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That is genius. Pure genius. Obviously, the robot was just playing dumb...


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